A longer explanation...

As long as I'm leaving this up, I should explain the motivations behind a lot of the blog....

When I talked about my grooming choices (shiny hair, whatever), and the way people reacted (I NEVER said I was good looking, btw, my classmates got on here and yelled about it, but I didn't say it), I was interested in the consequences women face for being in the public domain, without a man's protection. A girl who is paired up can look however she wants. A single girl, though, will receive a lot of unwanted attention. And a single girl who is thin and well-groomed, at least in the completely sexist setting of law school, will be told that she is "asking for it" and "stuck up" and so somehow deserving of abuse. It's like some parody of a 1950s movie. Totally horrible. Women in law school react to this by clinging to and competing for men, again, like some parody of the 1950s. So here we all were, the best educated women in the country, acting like we were in some Gidget rerun. It was scary.


When I talked about men in school looking like hell, it was because the double standard drives me crazy. It is assumed that a guy who doesn't "bring the pretty"* has something else to offer. He can be the funny guy, the smart guy, whatever. But this same guy will demand perfection from a woman. I saw so many guys who didn't think they had to do anything to look good, bu would then put a girl down by saying, "She's only a four..." or criticizing some completely stupid thing about her body "Can you believe her shoulder blades, they're kinda weird..." like he had the right. Like his judgment mattered. And no one questioned it. It still makes me so mad. I just wanted to say, "You're worried about her shoulder blades? You're wearing clothes your mother bought you, with gym socks and dress shoes, because, lucky you, your opinions matter more than your looks, and you STILL think you get to be the last word on whether or not a girl counts, based on her shoulder blades?"


When I talked about the way things are at school, it was because I was, and still am, shocked that this is how we create our country's lawyers. I keep hoping I just had a bad school. But I doubt it. In medical school, graduates have to be able to, like, not kill people. So the profs may be jerks, but they are not going to risk graduating someone who will make them look bad. Once you're in, they'll help you succeed. And tests are objective, so students may as well help each other study. Law school is... different. We are graduating a generation of people who will create and enforce our laws. And we are doing it in a racist, sexist environment, from schools that are concerned mostly with making money off of people who want a job. It's sad. It's like Amway or Mary Kay sales. It's the worst impulses rewarding the worst behavior. All I want is for the people who show up, pay their money and try to learn, to be able to. These people should not be told that "It's a knack, it'll click." And the ridiculous after-the-fact rationalization for why some people get to learn and find jobs as lawyers and some don't, "The ones who work hard will make it..." Are you kidding me? How about, 'The ones who paid their money will be told what they need to know, tested to see if they learned it, and rewarded accordingly..." That's what everyone outside the mess that is the legal profession thinks happens, anyway. Becuase, go figure, people really do think it's kind of weird to charge $115,000 and then tell students, "Law is mostly self taught. School is about the reputation and the contacts you make." Like the legal profession is some kind of country club?


Finally, I read through this whole blog-archives-thing today because the new school newsletter reported that my classmates donated $67,000 (the last class donated $3,000) because, as one said, "We have to protect the rep of the school because it will help us get jobs later." Which I think is pretty much wildly inaccurate. Unless someone is planning to use our class gift to blow up Yale, Stanford and the rest of the top 14, we are pretty much in the tier we are in. And moving up within that tier isn't going to make a difference, job wise. (Although if you had a good experience at the school, you should give back). Anyway, I wanted to see if I'd caused $67,000 worth of damage and should, like, feel bad. But honestly, the old posts made me giggle. I know that's not going to help my rep with the people who hate me for writing about this place. What can I say? I am funny when I am mad. I made fun of myself as much as anyone else - probably more. And I still think I'm right about my one, main talking point: EVERYONE pays $100,000, but only some people get something out of law school? Really? And the profs and the administration blame the students who don't get something for not competing? In a system that's set up so that only some will win? But everyone pays? This doesn't work. Law school costs too much for this system to continue. If you pay for an education, the school has to at least try to give you one. And everyone doesn't need - or want - a firm job. But everyone needs access to information about how to use the degree they're getting. The lack of basic info still amazes me. My school failed to do anything but cash tuition checks for a large perecentage of the class. Too many profs didn't answer questions. Career service's hands were tied (Again, I don't think it's their fault, it's just the way it is). There was almost NO information available on career paths and how to choose your classes. I specifically begged the dean of students - who's supposed to be there to answer these questions - for help with that. No luck. No one gets that help, except the students who probably don't need it. And that's just wrong.

So I wish I could change something but I can't. I still feel pretty much the same way I felt when I wrote this. I doubt that's going to change.

Ok, back into retirement now...

The blog stops here...

For various reasons. I'll leave up the blog though. Because I have always hated the way people misrepresent me. Also, I'll probably still be commenting on OTHER people's blogs. Because that's just fun. So anyhoo. Here's what I think I learned in the last, like, what, year and a half of blogging?

1) Don't go to a law school that gives C-minuses and Ds. (I didn't get any, but they were out there - they posted them on the wall every semester). * There is no real POINT to weeding out people from the law school pool. The only schools that do this are trying to move up in the rankings, maybe gain a bit of prestige. The problem is, they are using the students to do it. That's putting the school's smaller interest in a higher ranking before the interests of someone who is going into a HELL of a lot of debt to be there. Very few law schools do this anymore (most are third tiers). Don't condone it. And don't risk being one of the ones they decide to weed out. You want the school to end up with YOUR MONEY, while you have nothing but debt to show for a year of your life? That's CRAP.

2) Don't pretend to be above the rankings. Lawyers love measuring the unmeasurable. And everyone is secretly (or not so secretly) convinced that the only people who complain about the rankings are the people who are losing. They start ranking people with the lsat and it never, ever stops. They rank law firms, litigators, practice specialties, lobbyists, EVEN FORMER LAWYERS. It is the nature of neurotic over-achievers to need to know where everyone stands. Accept this. Deal.

3) Don't drop out. Just. Don't. You will be forced to rebuild your life, while in debt, with nothing but a hole in your resume to show for it. STICK IT OUT. It is MUCH easier to rebuild your life with the degree. It just is. Employers don't want to hear how you spent a year on your personal growth and then decided you now know it isn't for you. They want to know you learned how to deal. (Or, at the very least, that you bailed really, really early - after the first semester is the only acceptable time).

4) Tell the truth. Shading things for people who find your core beliefs, or perceptions, to be completely unacceptable, never works. Every time I've tried to hold my tongue, or soften an opinion to be nice, it's come back to BITE me. Just say what you think. Let them howl.

5) Understand that an easy way to move up is to bring someone else down. Adjust your perceptiosn of your classmates, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, the things they say about each other, accordingly.

6) Don't be nice. Be well-mannered. Be kind-hearted. Behave yourself. But "nice?" It's for hookers and, I guess, anyone else who makes a living off other people's desires. Don't EVER put yourself at other's mercy that way. They will continue to tell you to be nicer and nicer, while using you, and despising you for it.

7) Call people on it when they treat you or others poorly. Let them call you a liar. Let them call you anything they want. but if you know they're doing something, (like pawing at girls while babbling, drunkenly, about what good friends they are...) then SAY SOMETHING. Icky people operate by getting everyone else to think it's too much trouble to speak up.

So. Anyway. There's probably more but I have some stuff I need to get to today, so I'm going to stop here. It's been fun. It's just time to quit. Big thank you to everyone who was awesome and supportive and interesting, Megan, the other Megan, Spungen, Elle, Lily, Bob, Charles, Corey... I'll still be around. Just not blogging here. Bye!

* Law school grades are calucated as a ranking, the letters are meaningless. Every person in the class is ranked against every other person. It doesn't particularly matter where that curve starts, A- to A+, or C- to C+, all that matters to the student is what his or her ranking is compared to the others. You are top third. You are bottom half. Whatever. It's where you stand that matters, not your actual GPA. The only difference between a curve that starts with Ds, as many of ours did, and a curve that starts with C+s or Bs, as most law schools do, is that some of the students in the class will be sent home at the end of the year. (First-year classes are five credit, five credits of D will kill your GPA forever). Generally only third-tier schools do this - they admit everyone who applies, not worrying about space or resources, because they know they'll get the extra money and lose the people. I don't know why a school like mine, in the top-50, would do this. But it has nothing to do with academics. Like I said, the letters are meaningless. Only the rank matters. And so far, the only correlation between high class rank and later success is in the field of legal education and the judiciary - the people who make good grades become professors or law clerks. The rest of the class write your business contracts, your wills and lots and lots of generally useless memos for law firms (which bill clients $100+ for the time spent.)

Salon discovers "beta" anxiety...

Over as Roissy in D.C. put it, "the runaway feminine ego." Turns out the girls now want to do MORE than just make a man a sandwich. Television has decided to let them, but also to make them pay... Rebecca Traister covers the whole mess here.

Regarding the "How to Tell if Someone is Playing You" post...

I've been thinking about it, and I think you can't. I also think that it's a sign of a healthy person to be able to say, "Well, he could be a jerk. But if he is, that's on him and it's not my problem." Anything else smacks of control. You don't teach people how to treat you (most of the truly crazy people don't even know other people, technically, exist anyway.) And you don't control how they act toward you. You can only control what you'll put up with. So walk.

I was more concerned about the problem in terms of friends though. (I had recently found out that a former friend who I dumped for seeming shady was um, much shadier than I thought at the time). So I made an exhaustive list of warning signs, And below is the one warning symptom they all had in common. It's funny, it's not what you'd think. But, for what it's worth:

They seem reluctant to spend time with you, are often busy, like to bring up how hard it is to make time, want CREDIT for you know, not avoidng you. (Although you get the feeling they could be doing that too.) But when you say something like, "You seem busy. Let's just back off." Or, "You're busy all the time, let's schedule a visit for another time." Or, "It hurt my feelings when you blew me off for that." Or, "It seems like other things are a priority for you right now..." They blow up. "I work so hard to make time for you!" And on and on and on. And you are the bad guy for noticing that they don't seem to like you much.

So, there you go. It's the only thing everyone who has eventually screwed me over had in common. They didn't make time for me, but they wouldn't let me just accept that and leave. I suspect they didn't make time because they didn't like me much, really. And they wouldn't let me back away from them without a fight because they were using me for various reasons. But who knows? Like I said. Sometimes you have to say, "That one is not nice to me. But I don't have to be here. So it's not my problem."

Clothes are important...

I do not yet have the life I want. (Actually, I am STILL dealing with moving-related hassles like waiting for the cable guy, hooking up internet, trying to get the post office to let me have my mail... blahblahblahblahblahblah. It never ends,)

I am still applying for jobs I really want. And still getting my hopes way up after an interview, only to hate myself the next couple days while I think about what I said and how they probably really thought I was a flake and how it's going to be like law school all over again, where everyone I meet instantly acts like I'm crazy and incompetent and even I can't believe that I used to have a real job and every time I say something I see people flinch at the sound of my voice and trying to get away from me socially and... Deep breath. Thinking about how much that would suck is stressing me out. Even though, so far, everyone seems to think I'm great. (Even if they haven't HIRED me...)

But I have the OUTFITS for the life I want. So. Close enough for now.

You know how I've referred...

Several times, to men who are "over-entitled." THIS is what I'm talking about. Hi-larious. Scarily familiar. But hilarious.

Almost every guy at my gym is gay...

Which is very cool. It feels like I could walk around naked, and there would be (as when I walked down the stairs wearing short-shorts yesterday) only ONE head in a sea of bouncing elliptical cross trainers swiveling at my approach. (I suspect the guy who watched was judging my self-tanner application, anyway).

I couldn't figure out why I kept wanting to cozy up to the older, mean-looking guys and dish about other people's sock choices or whatever. Until I realized. I am not responding to Tim Gunn-type stereotypes. They um, remind me of my mother.

That's weird, huh?

Hanging with the hip people is going well...

I mean, it's hard to tell. They seem to like me, but so far our conversations are surprisingly like the guys in King of the Hill, where everyone just stands there, drinking casually, (coffee or beer) looking relaxed, maybe occasionally offering an opinion on film noir that is greeted with the equivalent of "Yup." Then maybe something happens around us, a bar fight, a hookup, a spill, whatever. So we all look at each other, shrug, and keep drinking. It's kind of awesome, really. So much less work than I'm used to...

Tim Gunn...

Is awesomeness. 10 p.m. Thursdays on Bravo. FINALLY someone on television who can discuss camisole seaming with intelligence, and yes, even some fricking verve. For the only time in my television-viewing life, I didn't channel surf during commercials because I was afraid he'd say something about the tricks for draping chiffon, or whatever and I'd miss it...

How to tell if someone is playing you...

You know, saying the right things but not really interested. Just enjoying making you work to stay in the relationship because that's what good girls do... Actually. I wrote the title and then pondered. Because I have no idea. But I'd kind of (REALLY) like to know.

Any ideas?